Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
