At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
