this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
only you would photoshop your dick
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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