I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
