Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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