eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize