I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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