Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
