so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
