you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
