Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
