Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You are a genius and a whore.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
