Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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