Im at strip club and am horny
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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