Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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