someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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