I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
