Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
