no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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