i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
