Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
