Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
