You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
