remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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