If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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