did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
