ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize