Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
