I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
