Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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