new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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