i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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