if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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