You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
