She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
