I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
