just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize