can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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