i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
