Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Floor bacon is actually really good
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
