he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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