So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
