I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
