those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
