her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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