I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
