Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just pee around me
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
