I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
