Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
