Having a random hookup so left but love u
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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