Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
