I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
