any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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