You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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