At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
