just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
