Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
