If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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