thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Girls should come with a carfax report
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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