we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
