He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
