in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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