I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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