as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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