Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
