it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
