he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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