I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize