if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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