nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
