Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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