Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
