Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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