He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
