i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I wear drunk well.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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