explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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