I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
