OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Acid is not a monday night drug
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
