If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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