I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
