and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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