Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
