just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
True strength comes from lack of pants
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize