it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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