This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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