So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize