I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
