To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
