Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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